The Truth of the Matter

This picture was taken this past week while I was trying to have Kinsey's two year pictures and Avery's six month pictures taken. It really is a good depiction of our lives at the moment.

We have finally made it to the one month mark since Andy left. It's really weird to think I haven't seen him for a month now. Time is such a funny thing. Depending on the season of life a person is in really depends on how time moves. The old cliche that says, "Time flies when you're having fun," really has a lot of truth to it. I'm torn right now when I mark off another day on my wall calendar before going to bed. Lauren and Chloe have been here visiting for the past two weeks and we've still got another week and a half with them here thankfully. I'm loving the company so much that when I go to mark off a day I'm a little sad their time is passing but also happy time is actually moving while they are here.

People ask how we're doing...I say we're good. That's just easier to say than to spill out details. Of course I'm sad...I'm worn out...I have moments of happy...I get a little stressed. Getting two kids and me together is hard. Planning stuff to do to keep busy and keeping busy everyday is tiring. To top it off Kinsey is turning two and trying out plenty of new (undesired on my part) behaviors of which I'm trying to deter her from. She is our little angel turned strong-willed, independenet daughter. I have always encouraged independence--that is how we have raised her so far. We don't baby her; if she can do it on her own safely, we let her. However, now she's sure finding her "I know what I want" voice. I look in on her after she has gone to sleep and I see this little sleeping beauty and I can't even recall the trying moments from the day that made her need a time-out. Did God give us night for rest or for his sweet grace to fall on us and have a clean start in the morning? Everyday really is a fresh start. This curly-headed child starting at 18 months has had so many things drastically change in her life, most of which she can't even begin to understand. She thinks her "Daddy is on a trip."

So the truth of the matter is THIS IS EXTREMELY HARD! I am taking one day at a time. I'm loving that people are encouraging me with their thoughts, prayers, emails, texts, cards, calls, packages, etc. I am trying to make the most of this. I ignore seeing a family being together and try not to compare. I have chewed every nail off of my fingers and can't stop so now my fingers hurt. I hate weeknights and weekends. I'm really tired of telling myself, "well at least" this or that. Ughh--thank God Andy is in Iraq and not Afghanistan but I wish these weren't thoughts I had to have. Or turning on the news and hearing politicians making military decisions that will affect my husband. And lastly, I really hate that I feel I have to have it all together. Calendar, can you just start to fly???

(Comments are not necessary--not trying to get any pity. I do realize everyone has tough situations; after all, that's part of being an adult. I may just be using this blog to vent this year.)